


First World Problems.

by FeliciaAmelloides



Series: A Oneshot a Day... [161]
Category: Lord of the Flies - William Golding
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crack, It’s set in a cave for some reason?, M/M, Memes, OOC-ness, Phones, Swearing, fortnite, innuendos, wifi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-07
Updated: 2018-06-07
Packaged: 2019-05-19 20:46:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14880917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FeliciaAmelloides/pseuds/FeliciaAmelloides
Summary: LotF but the biguns are typical 10-12 year old British boys from this era. Aka obsessed with phones, memes, Fortnite and YouTube Let’s Plays.Also they’re in a cave.





	First World Problems.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for the sole purpose of getting Jack to say ‘look at that phone in your hands!’ instead of ‘look at that bone in your hands!’. 
> 
> I’m sorry, but also no. No I’m not.

When a group of boys from various schools went on a trip to a famous cave system, no one expected them to get completely lost and separated from the adults supervising them. What people expected even less was for the storm occurring the previous night to cause flash floods and a complete cave-in. Now, all that was left for the boys was bitter darkness and a lack of WiFi.

_ Day One _

The boy with fair hair hadn’t wanted to go on the trip. He wasn’t fond of small spaces, and the dark had always scared his younger self. A little of that fear still remained as he awoke to find he couldn’t see a thing. He reached out anxiously for his phone, desperate to ensure it was intact. When he switched it on, he saw that it only had 39% battery, no bars and no WiFi.

Shit.

“Oi, you! I see your phone screen! Wait up!” A voice piped up somewhere off to the fair-haired boy’s left. He frowned, not really wanting to engage in actual human interaction, and opened Candy Crush on his phone-

-Right. No WiFi.

“Have you got any WiFi?” The voice asked. Blondie examined the other boy curiously using the light of his phone to see. He was fat, had thinning hair despite being like 10, and was wearing big, thick-rimmed glasses. He decided the weird kid wasn’t worth his time instantly, “I don’t think anyone has. What’s your name?” 

“blazesQuAd-GoldenBoy” Ralph muttered irritably. He wasn’t giving that asshole his real name. The fat kid smiled, but it wasn’t seen.

“My username on Fortnite is ‘Not-Piggy-69’, but the trolls call me Piggy.” He returned. At that, Ralph laughed vaguely. He would have laughed louder, but modern day kids are incapable because the only thing they find funny is YouTube.

They decided that in order to call over some other peeps, they’d need to blast ‘Milkshake’ by Kelis at top volume. Ralph did so with ease, having had it on his playlist just a few seconds ago. Piggy’s phone only had classical music and educational podcasts, so Ralph rejected him.

Eventually, the first few boys began to emerge from the depths of the cave. Many were only young, and didn’t know the meme very well. They just showed up because of the noise. But others, older bois, knew of Milkshake. Everyone told Piggy their Fortnite usernames, and he struggled to remember them all, particularly the usernames of two identical twins with very similar usernames and identical avatars just to fuck with everyone else on the server.

When everyone had gathered, Ralph prepared to speak. BUT THEN all of a sudden another sound was heard from deep with the cave.

“2-1-1-3, I like good pussy and I like good tree! Smoke so much weed you wouldn’t believe and I get more ass than a toilet seat!” A few people were snapping their fingers like they were from Shooting Stars, and a few MLG sound effects could be heard in the background! It was true beauty, enough to make a tear come to Ralph’s eye.

Well, it would be if he was able to cry.

At the head of the procession of new boys was a guy Ralph couldn’t really see because he lowered the brightness on his phone screen, but he seemed pretty tall.

“Who the bloody hell are you?” He asked, wondering if this was the guy with such a great taste in memes.

“C#Noscope666. I’m on Tier 100 and I can sing C#.” The first thing Ralph thought about C# was that he had a _really_ sexy voice. He’d like to hear him sing C# all right- no.

“blazesQuAd-GoldenBoy. I have 10000 subscribers. I’m out of your league.” C# scoffed. Ralph glared at him sassily. Neither of them could see each other.

“Ooh, look at that sexual tension!” A random voice exclaimed. Ralph looked past C# to see another, slightly shorter boi. He had a phone torch on his face, revealing freckles, golden eyes and a shock of messy brown curls. Ralph smiled involuntarily at the eight-bit glasses on his head. That guy was most definitely the meme one.

“And who might you be?” Ralph tried to ask flirtatiously. The meme boi winked and flashed him a grin.

“Memerice~” He answered smoothly, stepping closer to examine Ralph’s face. The blond blushed. He liked meme boi way better than C# immediately.

“Rice. I’ll send that video of you-“ C# whispered something which sounded suspiciously like ‘getting killed within the first ten seconds of the match by a Tier One noob with a grey gun’, “-to Roger if you don’t back the fuck off right now you god damn wanker.” Immediately Rice gasped and raced back towards another blond boi.

“In case you didn’t realise, Roger is the love of Memerice’s life. So yeah, he’s only flirting with you because he’s an asshole who likes to lead people on.” C# huffily stated. Ralph’s glare became harder (that wasn’t the only thing ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) )

“So introducing yourself is flirting now?” He asked, keeping his voice even and his phone lit. C# made a strange noise.

“The way he said it, yeah.” He replied after a moment’s hesitation.

“And the way _you_ said it?” Ralph smirked at the blush he knew would be on C#’s hopefully sexy face.

“Piss off wanker.” C# stormed away.

The rest of the new bois were introduced. Memerice was No. 10 on the world server and had an insanely popular YouTube channel with over 12 million subscribers. DollarDollarBill$$$ was No. 12 and also had a popular YouTube channel. There were lots of slash fiction written about the two because they often appeared in each other’s videos. CrowAngel liked to roleplay and post heavily filtered selfies. His real name was Robert. Roger didn’t actually have Fortnite or even any social media other than a single aesthetic Instagram. He was slight, furtive and no one knew him. Simon also didn’t have a Fortnite, but he did have a lot of social media, most of which just used his real name. He was very popular online, although his friends irl didn’t really like him. No one else matters so screw them~

The bois decided to constantly have a phone on as far upwards as possible to try to get signal so they could call the police and be rescued. Phones would rotate to preserve battery. Between them, they only had four power packs, so it was important. 

The day continued, and was over.

_ Day 34 _

Ralph and Simon were sitting together in a nook where they had been trying to construct some sort of bed to escape from the drips in the cave ceiling. Simon was a strange boi, the blond had found from spending all this time with him. His phone was old, which he explained was because he didn’t want to waste his parents’ money in buying him a new one when the one he had worked just fine. Ralph had the sneaking suspicion it was second-hand. Seriously, what kind of kid degraded himself like that?

C# sauntered through a gap between the rocks with a distant look in his eyes, not that anyone could see it. He went straight (no he didn’t) towards Ralph, watching him closely. He didn’t really know what Ralph looked like, but he did know that the boy was far too flippant about giving away his real name to strangers. Very few people called him blazesQuAd-GoldenBoy anymore. He was just Ralph, and he talked like Piggy.

“Hey C. You wanna come help with the shelters?” Ralph asked from the alcove. C# frowned, but he was blushing at the nickname.

“Um, it’s C#, mm’kay? Very different notes. And yes, I wanna come...” Ralph’s eyes lit up unbeknownst to everyone else because, for the fiftieth time, they are in a very dark cave, “...but not help with the shelters. I just wanna come, y’know?”

“Get that lewdness outta ma Christian Minecraft server.” Simon said in a weird monotone. The other lads just looked at him blankly before confusing their little ‘argument’.

“We need to build these shelters, _C#_ ,” Ralph heavily emphasised on the Fortnite username, “Or else we’ll never be rescued.”

“What kind of logic is that? Shelters won’t get us rescued. And besides, we need WiFi.” C# had been exploring the cave system hunting for WiFi for weeks now. It was difficult with only one phone, but he found a weird excitement in running around with his settings open just searching for those unsecured networks.

“We need to be rescued more! WiFi isn’t important.” C# almost slapped him.

“WIFI ISN’T IMPORTANT? HAVE YOU SEEN THOSE POOR, WIFI STARVED CHILDREN OUT THERE? WE CAN’T SURVIVE ON FOOD AND WATER ALONE, _RALPH_!” Ralph gasped.

“You birch!” The blond screeched in G flat. No one was allowed to use his real name.

“Actually, I’d say he’s more of a pine.” Simon commented before upping and leaving.

The two boys had a staring contest, then realised neither of them could see so it was impossible to tell who won.

_ Other Highlights~ _

“There was a bar.”

“You should have seen the streaming speed!”

“THERE WAS A BAR! YOU LET THE PHONE DIE, AND THERE WAS A BAR!”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP I’M TALKING ABOUT THE GODDAMN STREAMING SPEED!”

*

“I was Top Bitch. All of you arseholes chose me!”

“I gave you WiFi!” A couple people nodded, happily browsing YouTube. Ralph tried not to scream. 

“We don’t care. We’re not here for your WiFi, _Jack_.” Ralph had stolen Jack’s phone once and found out his name through an old text from his mom. He never let him live that down until the possibly ginger boi took over the group.

“Yes you did, _Ralph_. Look at that phone in your hands!” Ralph went crimson. Fuck.

*

“Piggy.”

“Uh?”

“That was Simon.”

“Piggy.”

“Dude, shut up I’m trying to finish this level of Flow Free.”

“SUCKS TO YOUR FLOW FREE, PIGGEH! THAT WAS SIMON’S PHONE! WE SMASHED HIS PHONE, PIGGEEHEHHHHHHH!”

“You shut up! It was dark! It was an accident!”

“IT’S ALWAYS DARK, PIGGEH! WE’RE IN A CAVE! NOW SIMON’S PHONE IS DEAD AND JACK IS GONE!”

Simon sat by them watching the drama unfold. He wished people wouldn’t treat him like he was dead because his phone was smashed on the cave floor. But they did. Without a phone, he didn’t have a life. Apparently.

*

Roger threw a boulder at Piggy during a big sugoi fight. Ralph’s phone, still playing Milkshake as always, smashed into a thousand silver fragments and ceased to exist. Piggy’s own phone died soon after.

*

Jack chased Ralph through the caverns with a demented smirk, watching him screech and run. The phones were all texting aggressively, making weird noise as they all simultaneously called each other to send texts across the caverns. No one noticed having a signal meant they could finally be rescued.

The bois emerged suddenly into daylight, and Ralph was looking up, dazed. Before him was Jack. Red hair, freckles, light blue eyes and a surprisingly adorable expression despite his ugliness without silliness.

The boys, no longer defined by memes and phones, looked at each properly for the first time, and suddenly nothing which transpired in the caverns mattered anymore.

“Ralph...” Jack muttered, not sure what else to say.

“Jack...” Ralph echoed, feeling lost and bewildered and oddly happy at the same time. The other boys stood in a circle around them, watching as they leaned closer to each other, overwhelmed by the sexual tension which had been building up between them for weeks now.

“D-do you, um-“ 

“Yeah. I do.” 

And with that incredible display of human communication, they kissed, Jalph happened, and that’s how romance works in the new generation.

Happy Fortniting bois. Don’t forget your Milkshake.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, I am sorry.
> 
> Every character is inspired by my 12 year old brother and his friend group. All they do is play Fortnite or watch other people playing it, but they like memes too.
> 
> Obviously they don’t swear that much or make innuendos, but still.
> 
> Prompt- Lord of the Flies but somewhere really weird.
> 
> Originally it was gonna be where the Snuke is in the South Park episode of that title, but not in Hillary Clinton.
> 
> Original Number- 313.


End file.
